There is Life After the Thesis

After chronicling my thoughts, feelings, ideas, and experiences throughout the thesis process on this blog (formerly entitled Rites of a Thesis), it seemed odd to me to simply let the blog go just because I had turned in my thesis and graduated. I don't want to merely "shelve" my thesis nor do I want all that I got from my time at Naropa to lie dormant. I want my thesis to continue to live and breathe and become, and I would like all the teachings and experiences I had during my time at Naropa to do the same. So I am keeping the blog (changing the title), and am commiting to myself to (w)rite on as I journey forward.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Run, Walk, Hiccough - Just Move (or Twitch): It's the Mudivator!

Universe, forgive me, for I have no wind...It has been 75 days since my last blog post...

Do you see this photo? That's me, being eaten alive by the Mudivator.

Have you heard of the Mudivator? The Mudivator is the antithesis of the Motivator. It doesn't propel or encourage you, it eats you alive, sucking away any desire you have to support your own creativity. It's a slimy, sludgy thing. It does things like cause you to sit on the couch and watch five straight hours of repeats of the first season of Sister Wives, all the while eating Twizzlers and Junior Mints - candy that you don't even like. But it's there! And you must indulge - in both the t.v. and the confections. And do you know why? Because the Mudivator has you in its grasp, the dirty scoundrel! It wants to keep you from doing anything that might be healthy for your body, mind, or soul.
You might be thinking thoughts like, "It's New Year's day. I'm going to start fresh: eat right, meditate, indulge my creativity." But it doesn't matter once the Mudivator pulls you down and pulls you in. Even if you had a great first half of the day - you walked, you had time with friends, you ate relatively healthy, read an article on spirituality - you are not immune.
The first step is the hardest: admit you are powerless over the Mudivator. Once it touches you, you're gone, sistah!
You have to believe there is a power greater than yourself who can restore you to creativity. It might be a simple phone call with a friend who casually says, "I see you haven't written on your blog in awhile."
Next, you have to become willing to sit down at your computer and just write...ANYTHING! No editing. Uh, uh. Just type!
So here I am. Just typing.
Now, my dear friend Jill Badonsky created a muse called Lull. Lull is a muse who is there to help inspire by letting us rest and relax. She is not a big "do-er" - and we all know, us creative go-go-go'ers need down time to rev up and to rejuice. And I have definitely needed some Lull. But the thing is, I have been creating the past few months for others. Well, for me too - yes. But I haven't taken the time to tap into my own creative well, just for me. I need a Lull from creating for others, but I need a Marge (another muse - the "Okidokee, let's get started then" muse) to help me create for me.
I use the excuse of "comfort" - but when it's an excuse, that is when my vulnerability factor (a.k.a. laziness, which is different than Lull) sets in and I make room for the MUDIVATOR! So I find myself languishing on a couch, unmotivated and UNcomfortable.
Thanks to the phone call and the willingness to JUST WRITE! I am starting to feel motivated and, in the process, feeling the freedom of the Mudivator's grasp.
"I'm gonna wash that Mud right out of my hair..." - I'm feeeling more creative already!


Genét Simone said...

Just move or twitch! YOU GO GIRL! I know what you mean about creating for everyone else ... I did that all of 2010, it seems, and even during this so-called winter break! I envy your ability to let yourself lounge on the couch and eat Junior Mints. I need more of your devil-may-care spirit. So, don't be hard on yourself ~ Go forth into 2011 with a smile on your face, write when you feel inspired, don't beat up on yourself when you're NOT, and keep some candy and the TV remote in your pocket for those much-needed "down times." Happy New Year!

Frank Leonard - Photographer said...

Thank you, Nicky. I realize in reading your words that they describe several things quite accurately for myself as well, especially the part about creating for others. Six shows in six months sounds like a lot of creating for me, but not really. It was for exhibit, it was for sales, it was trying to appeal to others, it wasn't just me taking time to experiment and play and create new looks that please first of all me. That is what I'm doing now, taking a break from producing and some good lull time to let new juices and ideas bubble to the surface. Thanks for your writing. Love it, and love you! Frank.

Griffin said...

So, what is the opposite of a muse? there must be a word... a category into which we can place the mudivator... if we can label it, then we can box it up and put it on the shelf... un-ivite it into our daily world... banish it...
This reminds me of that other pseudoword PRONOID... meant to describe something opposite to paranoid... being pronoid means that you walk around constantly expecting something wonderful to happen... as though the whole world, and everyone in it, were calculating and conspiring to cause good things to happen just to you...
Thanks for writing your post... I have missed it... Welcome back! PS... I have an idea and we need to talk about it... this weekend... XOXO